There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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