Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
