Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
