I'm going to jail i love you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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