They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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