I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
