I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Shame - the story of my life.
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