She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
