How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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