He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
