My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there was a trapeze. enough said
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
