lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
