So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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