How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
