How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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