I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
