I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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