That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
