I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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