3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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