i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this hospital has no fireball
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
