You can't motorboat a personality
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
