So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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