he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
