i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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