Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
