How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We are two peas in an std pod
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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