eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the day after is always just damage control
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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