tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
