I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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