God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
