there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
