Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.