the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.