you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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