well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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