Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now