i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
