I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
