Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
