I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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