I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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