Just cropdusted the office
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
