I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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