do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
