For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
