There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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