Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
