First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
