so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
