i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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