just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how drunk are you?
Several
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
