Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
