worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
