Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found the puke drawer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
