i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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