Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
