You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
