I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
