I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
