watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
