Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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