Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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