if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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