He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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